Believe that you will not need to hurt someone back if you feel secure in yourself.
In this very special edition of the daily blog, I am reflecting again on the podcast of Cory Muscara on the grand topic of Forgiveness. The way I want to introduce this topic will be in a concept of story telling that you can easily apply to your life due to its universal formulation. Maybe the term forgiveness sounds too overused and never truly understood. Maybe you want to forgive, maybe you don’t. Maybe you just want to sooth your hurt with some understanding. Major or minor hurt. Everything counts and you are reading this article for a reason. Whatever the situation was or still is in your life, whoever the person was that caused you some negative emotions and emotional pain, the following paragraphs will transform your current mindset and the overall view you hold on this situation.
The hurt that hurts
You are there, it feels as it was yesterday, and you see them in front of you, telling you those words that changed your entire world over one second. The words and actions so cold, so cruel and so mindless. You cannot understand the logic of it why they did what they did. They killed it all, they didn’t care, have they ever cared? And they keep saying all those things that cut deeper than a knife. The air feels empty, drained by everything what happened and there are no words that you could say that would express how they hurted you. They still keep going, are they blind to what they are causing here? Seeing this from the third person, it seems even ridiculous how these people who were once close together, now act as they had nothing left for each other. And you see it, the words cannot be taken back. Nothing can save this situation. Their face feels so close to yours that you want them to become you, just so they can see what they are doing here….You keep replaying the moments and the more you are doing it, the more you feel the true feelings towards that person as a result of the situation. Maybe you love them, despite all, but for the first time you are feeling everything you were holding back for so long. They failed you big time. The endless storm of judgements is flooding your mind as you put your guard down and admit that this is just too serious to get recovered from.
However, deep down you are feeling this tightness in your chest, as you keep thinking about them and the whole situation, and you want it to go away. You seem to consider options to get a relief… maybe letting this go and forgiving would solve this? Bt how could you forgive them for such inhumane behavior and how could you let go on like this, doing such evil?
Do you want to forgive or not? Ask yourself, honestly.
Are you willing to let it all go and not hold on any grudge or judgments towards them? Are you even open to stop judging them for what they did and demonizing them for their actions towards you?
Look into their eyes, do they deserve the forgiveness? But also notice, do you deserve the heavy weight you feel about this whole situation and how miserable it is making you feel all the time? Choice is yours if you want to forgive or not. However, consider:
Do you want to be a loving person or a person who is hateful?
Do you want to see yourself there, on your deathbed, still being full of grudge?
Can you see how that negativity from you being hurt actually kept damaging your new relationships?
What is the smartest thing to do?
You feel so unsure.
But think about your future, again, what kind of life do you want to lead moving forward?
The one that hurted
In principle, based on an universal human behavior, there are 4 reasons why someone might hurt you:
- They acted out of ignorance and selfishness
Look at him/her, look into their soul. Did they really hurt you because they intended to do so? Or were they trying to do their best based on their point of view and limited understanding of life (love). Maybe they did not know better and were doing what felt the best for them. And maybe they were just truly selfish. - They did it of fear and weakness
They gaslighted you, manipulated you, lied, cheated or stole from you because they were afraid to show their true face. They were too weak to face their own demons so they, instead, denied their truths about themselves to save their face. - They had limited consciousness
High consciousness person would probably avoid causing such damage to the other. It is highly possible that the one who hurt the other was not developed enough in their mind at that very moment and they were just acting based on what they have known. - They asked for love in unloving way
It could be that they did it out of lack of love they felt for themselves. They maybe wanted that love from you so they could feel whole. Nevertheless, the way they asked for love was in the opposite way that you would be able understand as a cry for help in the heat of a moment.
At least one of these reasons is the causative of the hurt to happen. You may keep thinking that they should not have done this to you but keep in mind that they have also their life history and unresolved conflicts and challenges from their lifetime.
Sad part is, they were most likely hurt in the past and now they prolonged the rope of hurt towards you.
Do you see it now? “The hurter who hurts hurted”
How to heal?
It is important to realize that in our life, we were also the ones who have hurt some people and it happens very often unknowingly. The reason we do so is because we all are struggling for love. The one who hurt you was also in that situation, maybe you gave them all the love you could but yet, the issue was they didn’t love themselves enough and they didn’t have enough love to give as a result. Are you willing to forgive them for what you struggle to feel every day as well? Is your heart big enough and do you have enough grace in yourself to understand that others struggle the same or even more?
But how to heal, really?
Simply said, to experience true healing, you must forgive yourself all times you were hurting others. There is no boundary between the self and other. The one that hurt, ultimately hurt itself. The moments when the other person was hurting us, we were also hurting ourselves because we didn’t notice that the reality became fragmented into very unique pieces made by the God itself. Then the reality merged together. There is not other way it could happen because the reality is absolute and it always turns out as it is. The situation was as perfect as the God is. It was truly necessary for our awakening and understanding what the Truth and Love is. Thanks to experiencing hurt we learned about forgiveness and suffering and saw that everything is love. There is nothing to forgive in the end because everything there ever was, was just Love in the highest meaning.
And then you realize…everything makes sense and you can accept yourself fully. No one can hurt you, only yourself.
P.S.: Thank you, Leo.
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